forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
