smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
