You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
