just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
