guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
