Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
