I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
