I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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