did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Mom said you looked used
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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