I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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