Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
