he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
