I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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