Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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