he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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