After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
