just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
