dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
