i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
