Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
