the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
