My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
