i just sent this text using only my big toe
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
