you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
