whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
