On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
