There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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