my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
