If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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