All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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