Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
