I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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