you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
