Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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