I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
