is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
