If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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