I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
