I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
