My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
