cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
