Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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