pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
