I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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