don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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