I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
