That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
