is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
