her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
