Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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