I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
