You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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