Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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