guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
