She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
